


You Should (Not) Write Weird Fanfiction

by BoreasAnemos



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Background Relationships, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Growing Up, High School, Not a Crossover, Polyamorous Character, Rei has a secret, mostly just friendships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoreasAnemos/pseuds/BoreasAnemos
Summary: It has been two years since the Angel War ended. One day, Rei Ayanami realized her abilities, understood them, and applied them to turn the tide of the War around. All Pilots survived, including Kaworu Nagisa – who needed only some persuasion to cooperate with Rei's plan.The Pilots reverted to being relatively normal children, kept on NERV rooster, in NERV training program, and on NERV stipends just in case, but aside that, they are allowed to live their lives.NERV is reduced and operates as a medical/scientific facility under Commander Katsuragi with Doctor Akagi as the chief researcher. In other words, it’s not all right with the world, but it is fine - and rebuilding. Except not everyone got what they wanted - especially that some of them did not know what they want.And this is a story of the girl that had exactly that kind of problem. So she started writing Doctor Who fanfiction to pass time.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei & Ikari Shinji, Ayanami Rei & Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji & Souryuu Asuka Langley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I once had an idea for a funny crackfic about Asuka and Rei interacting in a lighthearted way in a rather fine world where Rei saved everyone by learning about fanfiction and applying ideas found in some stories in practice.
> 
> This is not this story.
> 
> The initial idea evolved into Asuka-driven angst story mixed with comedy and some WAFF. I have no idea what to think of it, so I decided to take a chance, publish it, and see what my readers think of it. While there are relationships here, they are not – at least not as far as it is written – playing any major role. Contrary to what may appear to the reader, this is also not a crossover. 
> 
> This is a rather not a serious piece. While continuity will be maintained, realism may take a leave at times.
> 
>  **Schedule:** The updates - after the initial chapters I will post as soon as they go through minor revisions - are going to be rather randomly spaced and timed. This is very much a side work. For people for whom this may look familiar: you're not wrong, I originally published this story on one of the forums I frequent; this version is only mildly revised, so until there are new chapters, you will find little new content here. Further updates should appear in both places in about the same time.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from any of the works parodied here. This is a work of a pastiche.

_February 2019_

The light from the laptop screen made the girl’s face appear paler than it was in reality. The only source of illumination in the room, the text processor was being reflected in her eyes; the contrast was slowly making her eyes sore.

Ignoring that fact, she was typing furiously, stopping only every few sentences to seek out a word she could not remember or to check a fact about the universe on some wiki page.

She was in a hurry. This was a matter of honor, and the clock was ticking.

***

_The Doctor stopped. Something was amiss._

_“Doctor. My dear Doctor. We finally met, once more!”, a demonic figure stepped out of the shadows._

_The Doctor was taken aback. His mortal enemy, his nemesis, his old friend, his possible future doom – he was here. Surprise filled his face. “You! Why?”_

_“My dear Doctor. I am here, because I expected **you** to be here! Can’t you understand that? We are two of a kind, we are destined to meet!”_

_“We are nothing of the kind, Master! You are a monster, an aberration!”_

_“Yet you follow me! Yet you assist me, time to time! Yet you chose not to abandon me here!” the Master released the emotions from his chest, unable to hold them any longer. He tried not to show how harsh judgment of his adversary affected him adversely._

_“Purely out of mercy, my archenemy! Not by choice, not by any rationale!” the Doctor protested._

_“But you did! And now, you’re responsible for what will happen!”_

_“Nothing will happen, Master! Nothing! We are masters of our own destiny!”_

_“Ohh you keep speaking my name… And yes, surely, I am Master of my own destiny… but can you heal yourself? Doctor?”_

_Doctor was taken aback. He did not expect such a retort from his enemy. He raised his hand…_

***

Asuka Langley-Soryu typed the last sentence, reflexively saved the file, and smiled to herself. _‘This is the best chapter I’ve written. So far, of course.’_ She glanced at her watch. ‘ _Now, I should signal that idiot, he should beta-read it ASAP… Hope he has time, I **must** post it tomorrow, lest she gets ahead of me.’_

***

A few apartments away, the Shinji Ikari phone buzzed just as he was putting his shoes on. The message read:
    
    
    “Done. Care to read?”

“Oh. It seems that I **will** have something to read tonight”, he addressed his roommate.

“Well, considering that last time I was counting times your palm hit your face… should I prepare for an evening of hilarity again?” the boy asked in reply. “Perhaps prepare shots to turn it into a drinking game?”

Shinji shrugged with a soft smile. “Perhaps. Hopefully not. She **is** improving, you know?”

A shrug and a soft expression of disbelief were the only answers. Shinji typed a reply:
    
    
    “Sure. Going shopping. Will pick it up on the way up.”

He smiled to himself. Asuka was indeed improving as a writer, if slowly – but what made him far happier was the fact that she was improving as a friend.

***

Asuka grinned at the reply. _‘Good, all according to schedule. That’ll show her. I **am** the best.'_


	2. Chapter 2

_8 th December 2018_

“Thanks for coming, Rei. I thought you wouldn’t”, Asuka approached the blue-haired girl who was standing alone on the balcony, casually ignoring a party that was happening in a room behind her.

Rei slowly turned to face her. “Thank you for inviting me. I thought you wouldn’t”, she echoed with a hint of surprise in her voice. “We had a rather… vocal disagreement. Five of them in last month, if I recall correctly.”

Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Does this make us enemies, Blue? It only means we… well, disagree. We shout at each other, we walk away, we talk again later, we make up. And I still think you’re… well, wrong, I can’t hate you, I never really, truly could. I…” she trailed off.

“You just cannot bear me at times and you consider my thinking far too alien to come any closer to me”, Rei finished for her, a slight question in her voice.

Asuka huffed. “Are you dissecting my psyche again, Blue? I specifically asked you to stop, didn’t I?”, her eyes ignited.

Rei shook her head. “No. I am not, but I apologize if I misled you. I was just trying to go for ‘finishing each other’s sentences’ joke”, she smiled a small smile.

Asuka looked at her with confusion, then glanced sideways. “Your attempts to make humor are sometimes confusing, sometimes scary, and sometimes hilarious. Just… keep at it. You’re improving”, she admitted in a smaller voice.

“Thank you. Taking up writing helped me understand humor. And several other things” Rei replied, her smile still present.

Asuka blinked at her. “Writing?”

“I told you two months ago – when we were discussing literature on a lunch break. I believe you forgot”, Rei recalled and once Asuka looked at her quizzically, continued: “After we were done saving the world, I started to read more. Then, I realized there are too few stories I really liked. Therefore, I tried my hand in writing my own”, she turned to face Asuka. The redhead has absentmindedly noted how beautiful the moonlight framed the girl, before returning her attention to her words. “… left a lot of room for improvement, as Maya-chan told me. Now… well, I believe I have improved, and the results are… passable.”

“Wondergirl. Is this another joke?” Asuka probed, her voice returning to confusion, with a note of irritation.

Rei tilted her head. “It is not. I can provide you with links to my writings, should you wish to read them.”

Asuka shook the shock off. “Sure. Gladly”, she said, although she did not seem convinced. “Come, there’s still cake”, she placed her hand on the door handle.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to enjoy the moonlight for a while. It is rather… crowded in there.”

“Suit yourself, Blue”, Asuka shrugged. “I’ll bring you some here, then… or send the Angel of Good Looks with it so you may have someone to look at, too”, she smirked.

“There is no need to”, Rei stated in her usual monotone, but with a small smile. “But I thank you for the offer; it was… kind”, she added after a moment of consideration.

Asuka blinked but decided not to dwell on the matter further. She nodded at Rei and returned to the crowd of her party.

***

Rei held true to her word, even if she took some time to fulfill her promise. On next Monday morning, Asuka’s messenger lit up with several links and an apology for the delay. She stifled her curiosity and decided to open them later – after all, attention in class was important.

This resolution held true for about one class session. At the end of it, she already opened the first of them and started reading ardently. It was a simple story in English; it told about Doctor’s travels with some clearly invented companion, a young man. A quick search told her this idea was called ‘Original Character’, ‘OC’ for short. The story has reminded her of watching the series re-runs during breaks in her training; the Doctor’s faces came to her mind when she read of characters’ antics. She spent most of the next lesson reading until the fifth chapter ended with a note: “CAUTION: next chapter is a lemon. NSFW.”

_‘Great, more jargon’_ , she thought. _‘Nah, fuck that. I’ll search for that later’_ , she decided, clicking the ‘Next Chapter’ button.

***

Asuka Langley-Soryu often made mistakes in her life. Most of them were minor, some were major, and a few of them were life-changing. Most of them hindered and harmed her in some manner. Some actually helped her grow, at least when she stopped for long enough to learn from them.

This one, contrary to what it may appear, was going to be one of the growing opportunities.

***

Asuka realized her mistake about five paragraphs into the chapter. A description of a kiss quickly spiraled into a scene that simultaneously made her realize she was blushing **hard** , captivated her attention to the point of making her unable to stop reading, taught her several interesting and possibly useful things about lubrication, and gave her a tingling sensation that was certainly **not** welcome in a school setting.

Her blush would have gone unnoticed – shielding her face with her hair helped to conceal it – but nothing eluded the observant eye of Rei Ayanami.

***

Asuka was done with the chapter in question not long before the lesson’s end; a peaceful and clearly no-longer-that-hot beginning of the next chapter helped only to an extent. She realized bitterly that paying no attention here just gave her more work to do at home, but that was something she could live with. After all, she already had a full education – she was going to school only on Misato’s insistence and due to terms that NERV placed on her stipend.

The world she just discovered was definitely worth it. All she had to do was to hide her–

She nearly jumped when a cold hand rested on her shoulder. She got used to the ‘no touching’ rule during her several years in Japan; she knew that even the most casual contact outside family or lovers was seen as excessive – at least above certain age. She did not realize how internalized this taboo has become before this unexpected contact startled her.

“Soryu-san? Do you require assistance?”, Rei addressed her in the formal way she always kept while at school. She kept her voice low; Asuka felt a tinge of gratitude.

Asuka shook her head, hiding her blushing face behind loose hair; she silently blessed the choice to this style today. “I… just… need… a… moment.”

_‘And a helping hand’_ ¸ her treacherous mind added. This made her blush harder.

“Please walk with me. I may know a solution”, Rei said, turning towards the door.

_‘Will you also deliver it straight to the itch?’_ , Asuka’s mind was not giving up. She had no idea why this thought appeared; it was absurd, after all. She dismissed it forcibly, nodded slowly, and followed the smaller girl’s lead while simultaneously trying to focus on something else.

***

“Do I assume correctly”, Rei started once they reached the rooftop, “that you started reading ‘The Secret Companion’ and reached the sixth chapter?”

Asuka nodded. “It was first on the list… and the summary was interesting…”

Rei sighed. “I should have known better than send you the links in the morning. But the damage is done, and all we can do is control it. I believe you are familiar with the concept of masturbation?” she asked with innocence possible only to her.

Asuka, who managed to lose some of the blush on the way, returned to the full crimson look. “ **Rei!** ”

The girl blinked at her. “This was a perfectly normal question. But from your reaction, I understand you do not consider me a close enough friend to discuss it, though. I apologize”, she raised her hands in a defensive gesture. “I suggest you refrain from reading further until you can alleviate the symptoms.” Asuka twitched at that. “There is another… stimulating scene in chapter thirteen. As for the remaining works… I will send you the not-safe-for-work warnings with the renewed list.”

Asuka mouthed ‘not-safe-for-work’; a sudden realization lit her face. “Oh. This is what N-S-F-W means”, she blurted out, facepalming at the same time.

The smaller girl tilted her head. “You were not familiar with the term?”

“How could I?” Asuka burst out with complaint in her voice. “It’s not that there’s a glossary!”.

“There… is. there are numerous glossaries of fanfiction-related terms across the Internet”, Rei stated, her voice confused. She paused and sighed. “I apologize. I should’ve educated you better before opening a world of wonders and debauchery before you. Please accept my apology, I shall guide you more gently from now on”, she bowed to Asuka.

It was Asuka’s turn to tilt her head. After a moment, she grabbed Rei’s arms and straightened her, a gesture Rei accepted with a surprising lack of resistance. “No, no, no, no. I’m not some **child** to be guided and nurtured. I am a grown woman who can handle a little hot… man… on… man… action…” she finished in a small voice, her blush nearly luminescent.

Rei watched Asuka with a hint of amusement. She seemed to ponder something. “All right, Asuka. I will refrain from changing my attitude towards you.”

The redhead seemed surprised. _‘Well… right, we’re not in public, so ‘Asuka’ is right for her’_ , she realized. _‘Her logic is strange, even after four years of knowing her… or is it already five?’_ This ponderous train of thought left little processing ability to express herself on the outside. “Erm?” she asked eloquently.

“I will not guide you. I will just ensure proper warnings are in place… and leave you to act as you deem appropriate. And I wish you a fulfilling journey across this wonderful world of fanfiction”, she smiled a small smile. “And should you need a hand, you know where to find me.” She turned and walked away.

Asuka stood there for a moment in shock, before realizing that Rei’s offer had most likely concerned fanfiction, not her current condition. _‘I need some wash-up on my mind, stat. Or a cold shower. Or just some pill that will make this go away. Or something bigger than a pill’_ , the train of thoughts happily derailed in totally-not-unexpected direction before she made several stairs down.

***

The next lesson was a torment, as Asuka was forced to pay all attention she had – and even that was not enough. It was Modern Japanese, and despite having several years to learn and being quite intelligent, her grasp on the written language remained… tenuous.

***

After the horrors of Modern Japanese abated and the far softer reality of Science classes began, Asuka started to devour the next chapters. The dreaded chapter thirteen was, certainly, at the very least interesting. It was also stimulating, as Rei labeled it. Fortunately for Asuka, it was no longer a surprise, thus its impact was lessened, if only a bit. Asuka found herself struggling not to solve the issue at hand on the next break.

Her embarrassment and confusion caused by the whole situation were amplified by the fact that this was **Rei’s** writing. In other words, writing of an up-to-recently-emotionless girl who had suddenly demonstrated detailed knowledge of emotions, anatomy, physiology…

_‘All right, all right: who has suddenly demonstrated detailed knowledge of **sex**. Maybe the rumors were true…’_

She heard some things about Rei before. Once the whole ‘saving the world’ thing was done and gone, and life has finally returned to normal, she returned to school and increasingly normal – and boring – life with all other pilots. The main difference was that she was no longer wrapped in bandages every other week.

But then the rumors appeared. About Rei starting to talk to people. About Rei appearing at some party or tea-and-cake meetup. About Rei becoming social. About Rei being seen holding hands with someone. Some even whispered of seeing Rei kissing someone – this was dismissed by virtually everyone as impossible, of course. The general consensus was that Rei started to get out of her shell, but few knew the details, and apparently no one truly knew why. Few asked; after all, the girl was still an outsider. ‘Opening up’ was a far cry from ‘open and talkative’.

Asuka was curious, but was, of course, too proud to ask. Thus, she remained in the dark. From what she gleaned, Rei seemed to form emotional connections, but never to any significant extent. She never went for a proper date, at least according to the gossip mill – and never ever had a boyfriend. Thus, Rei could not understand the concepts she was describing.

But she described them so annoyingly **well** that Asuka felt a tinge of envy.

_‘If a maybe-not-so-emotionless anymore ex-doll could create works that move hearts, then a far more experienced Asuka Langley-Soryu, one that had several years of relationship experience, could do far better!’_ she decided with confidence.

Of course, this decision ignored a minor detail that none of those relationships persisted for a period of time longer than six months, nor did they not provide Asuka with satisfying sexual experiences. But would such a trivial inconvenience stop the great Asuka Langley-Soryu?

She booted up her laptop, opened the text editor, pondered for a few seconds, and started typing.
    
    
    “Doctor and the Master: the Fated Meeting”

_‘Go Soryu!’_


End file.
